Dating & Relating

Creating a dating roadmap
A few obstacles and ideas from dating expert Christine Hart

Dating Expert, Christine Hart

The stress of navigating the first date and beyond is daunting. Just ask any of my single girlfriends. There’s a laundry list of things to do to prepare. For example, what will you wear that screams smart, sexy, slightly unattainable and irresistible yet not slutty? How much is too much makeup and should you show a little, a lot or no cleavage? Once you finally decide on the perfect outfit, then you move on to figuring out the ideal place to meet (note that this in fact is a problem – when a man asks you out on a date, we don’t need to take charge and think of the perfect location. Tie it in when you bring it up later on.) . Somewhere not too expensive or too intimate. Something that showcases your knowledge of all the ‘it’ spots but nothing too fancy because you don’t want to look like a gold-digger.

Phew, now that you have this sorted out, let’s move on to the next step. How should you handle yourself? This is where the waters get really muddy. Ask any of my girlfriends. Should you mention your ex? Flirt in a coy way or play it straight? Should you sleep with him on the first date? Don’t laugh. We all say ‘no’ but how many of us have been overwhelmed by the ‘chemistry’ only to find ourselves doing the walk of shame the next morning and just hoping this little slip didn’t blow the whole possibility of a second date?

The biggest complaint I hear from my friends is that there is never really any clear consensus on how to handle the first date and how to get from date number one to the beginning stages of a relationship. It seems there is a general head nod that more guidance is needed in this area. I decided it’s time to find an answer, or the beginning of one so I sought out Christine Hart, Dating Coach & Matchmaker to get some pointers for my team.

To begin, I (we) wanted to know what we are doing wrong. How come we think we have this great first date and then we never see date number 2? Christine suggests that a common mistake we, and most women make is that we try to control the situation right away. “Women tend to put themselves in the driver seat of the relationship,” she says. “They try to steer the relationship in a certain direction with an end game already in mind.” Naw. You mean like sizing him up for marriage and babies by probing his relationship with his mother, other women and his personal hygiene habits? Guilty. If the attraction is there, we’re already thinking about the wedding before the second glass of chardonnay arrives at the table.

Another common mistake I’ve discovered is that women tend to play themselves up too much (Sure, some guys do too but let’s tackle this from our side first). When we find ourselves highly attracted to our date, we can get so wrapped up in the chemistry that we focus more on how we can present ourselves as someone he will want to date and we totally ignore how we feel around him and how he makes us feel about ourselves. “This is a common mistake women make,” explains Christine. “Men have a higher ‘Bullshit Meter” than women do and they are really turned off by inauthenticity,” she shares. “If a guy has everything on her list, a woman will have a difficult time just being herself,” she says. “Women act like ‘ninnies’, “ and proceeds to define “ninny” as an alternate version of themselves. Guilty again. I have personally walked away from a date or two wondering ‘who was that back there and why did I do that?”. Lesson learned.

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