Dating & Relating

"I really want to meet someone. Sorry, I'm busy for the next 3 weeks"

By Susan Kates

Ladies, ladies, ladies! Does this sound like you? You tell me, a dating coach, how you really want to meet someone, you really hate being alone, you really want to start a family, you really want a partner. Fabulous! Everyone should have someone in their life, if they want it. But wait. When we start probing about when would you be available for that first date you take out your BlackBerry and start scrolling and seeing that you don't have a free moment for at least 3 - 4 weeks. Oh wait, no, it's 3 - 4 months. Come on, really?

What I see are ladies, that say they want someone but are so scared of rejection and not having things work out, they don't want to waste time, they don't want to make time. If only women would understand my simple idiom "make time for a relationship and give a relationship time".

Men, in particular, ask one very simple thing from a woman. No, it's not that. It is to spend time with him and when you are with him, be focused on him. I know this sounds very June Cleverish, but ask any Millennial Man or a Gen Y man, he will tell you the same thing. Men need attention. That is something they crave, at all ages and stages of their life. So if you don't have time for them, no matter how fabulous you are, no matter how successful you are, no matter how beautiful you are, he will move on.

This is not something women like to hear. They say ‘what about me?’ Right. Well, honestly, just give him a little bit of time when he wants it and the rest of the time will be yours. You can do what ever you want, the gym. girlfriends, travel, shopping, whatever, but just make time for him when he wants it. Don’t you want someone who makes time for you?

Even as a dating coach, I tend to forget that my significant other wants me around and I get wrapped up in the career chase, but then he sets me straight. He reminds me that our relationship can only last if we spend time together. Even after 12 years of being together, this is incredibly important. So I make sure I walk away from the computer, the telephone, the distractions that take me away from him and just spend a little time with him. Once I've done that, he is good for a while. It's simple, it's easy and it works.

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